How to do a birth relative search

Closed adoptions have been in effect in most states since the 1930's. Confidentiality was at one time thought to benefit all members of the adoption triad. (The adoptive parents, the adoptee, and the birthparents) Years ago people never even thought of searching for birth relatives. Things have changed over the years. Now some members of the adoption triad (mainly adoptees and birth mothers) want to know more information about their birth heritage or child. Considering that so many medical problems are hereditary and can be prevented if steps are taken, adoptees will want to know if there are certain conditions that run in the family. Because of this you'll find that a lot of adoptees that are searching have had children, and want to know what things their child may have inherited. Because some people believe that they have a right to know their biological background, birth relative searches are on the rise. There is one problem. There are some people that still believe that original birth records should be kept confidential forever for fear that a hidden secret from their past may come back to haunt them. There are pros and cons to searching for birth relatives. Because adoption is such an emotionally charged issue you will need to know what to expect. The key is to always expect the unexpected. Before starting a search, make sure you are prepared for whatever could lie ahead. Not all reunions are a happy ending. Some are just a big rejection waiting to happen. Some birth relatives may be happy to have found you, or you finding them, while others may resent the fact that you even exist. Make sure you are prepared emotionally for whatever the outcome is.

When beginning your search, the best thing to do is consult your adoptive parents. Explain to them that you still love them but you just need to know your heritage and that your feelings for them will never change. Some parents may actually feel jealousy toward the birth mother or they may still have the fear that they will lose you as their child even though the adoption was many years ago. If that is the case, make sure you make your adoptive family a part of the search. Ask them about the agency that they adopted you through, and ask if they were given any non-identifying information. Don't rely on the information that was given to your adoptive parents completely. They could have been given false information. Contact the agency that you were adopted through and ask for an archive search. This search is usually very helpful. Through this search the worker will be able to report all non-identifying information taken directly from the actual adoption papers. This can be one of the hardest things to have to sit through knowing that the person discussing your case has all the information right in front of them and you are not able to see it or even be told actual names.

Although they can't give you the information, some workers will give you a birth date and gender of the sibling. Sometimes you may even find a worker out there that may intentionally or even unintentionally let information slip. If a caseworker ever does this for you, keep that under your hat, because telling people about it will only get the worker and the agency in trouble. The person is only doing this because they want to help or because they have encountered a gray area of the law and feel it's worth giving you the information.

Although this is a long shot, in some states you may be able to obtain the medical records of everyone born on a specific date at the hospital you were born at. Some hospitals will give you a copy either for free or for a nominal fee. When inquiring make sure you don't tell them you're an adoptee. Some places cannot give any records to adoptees, but they can give them to a student who is doing a genealogy report. It's a long shot, but everything is worth a try. The most the person will do is tell you no. You can also call back and talk to another clerk to see if they'll give you a copy. Different people sometimes give different answers. The trick is to ask the right person the right question.

After obtaining as much information as possible from the adoption agency, the next thing to do is register with the International Soundex Reunion Registry (I.S.R.R.). This registry is a free non-profit, organization funded entirely by donations. What they do is if there is a birth relative that has also registered with them, they will notify you of the match. Another good resource is the World Wide Web. There is a wealth of bulletin boards and online registries that are free for all to register on and search. Some may ask for a small donation. Before donating any money make sure it's legitimate. Even though the bulk of the registries are legitimate, there are plenty out there that will use adoption issues as a way to scam people out of money. Always use caution. When giving out your personal information to an adoption registry web site, make sure that the information you give will be kept confidential and only non-identifying information about yourself is displayed publicly. This is to protect you from people who will try to contact you with promises of locating your family for an outrageous fee. Some will even claim that they have your birth record right in front of them and claim they will release it to you as soon as you pay for it. Most of these are scams and should be avoided. Some of these people that claim to have information are real attorneys and are just out to get your money. There are legitimate search agencies and attorneys that will help you, but most will not try to contact you. They will have ads or can be found in a local phone directory. Check with your local Better Business Bureau or with your Attorney General's office for information on what companies to beware of, and what companies are legitimate.

Another good agency to help in your search is "The Adoption Network" This is a non-profit organization that offers search workshops and support for people who are searching. They will show you how to get information from the state and how probate court works. They require a nominal fee for membership but it's well worth it. They are a very helpful adoption support group. "Bastard Nation" is another adoption support group that is fighting for all adoption records to be open to all members of the adoption triad. Because of organizations like this one, adoption laws are always changing. Some states have already opened up their adoption records. Some have opened records on births before a certain year. Check with your state offices to inquire about what the laws are about obtaining your original birth records.

One of the most common ways to search for birth relatives is posting ads in your local paper. This is also a good way to search. Not only should you post an ad, but you should also check for ads. There may be someone out there looking for you. Most of these type ads are found in the classified section of the local newspaper under the personal notices. In some cities, they print all live births. It's always good to inquire about an archive search there to see if there was a birth announcement on your date of birth. These announcements will usually contain the birth parents name and address if they exist in the newspaper. You can also post ads in online classifieds that are in your region. This can be a helpful tool in your search. You will want to check out all the adoption boards that are available. There may be a relative that has a computer and is searching for you.

If you are searching for a birth relative due to a medical emergency, you can petition probate court to have your sealed birth record opened. This typically is only done in a life-threatening situation, but it never hurts to try anyway. The most they will do is say no, but there always that remote chance that the judge will say yes. There are also state birth indexes that are available. For a nominal fee most states will allow you to search through the index which is usually stored on microfiche and can take a lot of time to go through. The time and effort is usually worth it. A lot of people get the name of their birth parents from these records. If you have a birth sibling out there and have a birth date, you can search for births on their birthday as well.

Once you have a name, then you can go about searching for this person. You can try through local directories first, and then search marriage records, death records and other documentation, or you can even hire a private investigator. There are many resources for finding missing or lost relatives over the Internet. The social security administration has their death index available online. There are also online telephone directories out there. When searching for a lost relative, remember that nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Don't be afraid to follow any lead you may have. Just keep in mind that your birth mother may or may not want to see you and that this could be the best or the worst experience of your entire life. Remember if your birth mother rejects you, there are always birth siblings and a birth father that may be happy to meet you. There have been good reunions where the birth mother is so happy to find her lost child that they develop a relationship. There are some that will want nothing more than to make your life a living hell. Some may feel resentment toward you for even being born. You may also find that you were put up for adoption by the state because the birth mother was abusive or chemically dependent.

Searching for birth relatives can take a lot of time and can turn up empty. Sometimes a search goes easily and there is a reunion. Other times there isn't. Sometimes adoptees discover that their birth parents are deceased. Either way it's still worth a try to find your birth relatives. Even just getting the name of a birth relative can give you a feeling of closure. With all the resources that are available, searching for birth relatives is easier than ever. Never give up hope and good luck in your search.